Thursday, October 10, 2013 / 11:45 PM
there, there. it has been really long since i've updated isn't it.
okay, it's just about one month.
but anyway.... holiday is going to end in 6 days, or should i say 7 days for me since i don't have school on wednesday.
whoop whoop!
i am really really really dreading school though.
so here's why, i don't know anybody from my new class..
this happened because i set my alarm clock to wake me up at 830 when my appointment to select my timetable was 9.
but i dumbly, very dumbly set it on my phone that is on silent mode.
so apparently i woke up at 1230 or even later missing my appointment.
and so.. i was left with just 2 classes.
can life just get any better for me?
i mean, on the brighter side i get to know more people and get to step out of my comfort zone, which is one of the things i told myself to do when i got into poly.
but i am never that kind of person that's outgoing or anything like that.
i did managed to meet one of my classmate during the BAton bbq though.
but i just don't know anyone on a personal level and it scares me.
you know times like this, there is just a lot of what ifs in your head.
what if everybody knows each other except me?
what if they think i'm weird?
what if i can't blend in?
what if i get left out?
what if nobody wants to talk to me?
what if every body thinks i'm a bitch?
OH GOD.
i hope i am just thinking too much.
every time i'm afraid new people whom i'm gonna meet are mean and scary(don't mind me, it's just myself) they turn out to be really really nice people.
like my first job, BAOC, my first class. i guess i'm a really lucky person.
but... better safe than never.. right?
sometimes i think i suffer from social anxiety.
okay, i don't really know what it is but..
when i get really nervous, scared or anxious, i have this bad habit of peeling my outer layer skin off my fingers, or nails.
yes disgusting i know, i am disgusted by myself too.
that has been a habit i've been trying to kick since i don't know when.
it just happens subconsciously.
i only realize that my skin is bleeding only when i feel the pain but at that time my skin is already peeled off.
what the eff right? that really sucks and it leaves me with short nails, ugly and bloody fingers.
it just makes my hand looks so manly, not even lady like.
some times i just want to chop off my fingers cause it looks so disgusting.
is this some kind of self abuse, someone let me know?
oh and have i mention i am going to attempt studying and working at the same time?
i think i am just pointing a gun at my head because next sem is harder out of the 2 sem in year 1.
i hope it works out because i want to lighten the burden at home.
you'll never know unless you try isn't it?
and it's 2 months and 15 days to Christmas! i'm not someone who celebrates Christmas because it isnt a tradition at home. but i am really excited!
i love Christmas songs and movies!
and my favorite Christmas movie is love actually.
it just gives me a fuzzy feeling at the end. hehe.
also, i really miss the maine.